About fifteen years ago, my self-esteem was almost non-existent. Ever since I was a teenager, I had problems with my backbone; I was in pain until bedtime every day. I did not understand that my back pain was not only due to scoliosis and to compressed vertebrae. It was mostly due to my low self-esteem and hostile thoughts I somatized, especially on my lower back.
During my teenage years, I had a hard time taking life lightly. As my low self-esteem and insecurities grew stronger, I had difficulties to take life easily. Sometimes I let my dark side out, that is to say, emotions like rage and fear; other times I was the portrait of love and a zest for life. During that time, I was working as a secretary in a big metalworking company. The ever-growing dissatisfaction with my job fueled my sadness and my poor self-esteem. For years, I kept going from one job to another, hoping to get better. I was wrong. I still had to understand that, the reason for my dissatisfaction was not only that my colleagues or my employers were not lovely. The truth was, I had trouble peacefully relating with others and, worst of all, I was scared to leave a “safe” job and follow my dreams.
Sometimes, when working, I did ask myself these questions:
- What am I doing here?
- Why don’t I quit this office and follow my passions?
- How long do I have to stay in this office?
Since Natural Healing and Personal Growth had always interested me, coupled with the fact that I have read many books and attended many courses about these subjects, I didn’t find any motivation for doing a job I did not like at all. Inside my heart, I knew that one day, I would have found the idea that would allow me to quit my job forever. While many business projects were taking place in my mind, I began to get involved in the study of digital marketing and coaching.
THE TURNING POINT
Being aware that I had at least a chance to develop my creativity on the web, I began to be less frustrated when I went to work. I felt like I was near a significant change.
Then one day, I received a call that I will never forget.
I can still vividly remember that wet February afternoon in 2006, when Marco’s brother called, and told me that Marco (my boyfriend) was being taken to the hospital. The next day, the doctors said Marco had cerebral ischemia, and they still didn’t know the cause. About three months later, the inevitable happened. Marco’s light went out forever, and a part of my heart left with Marco. My greatest love, whom I will never forget, was lost. Our house was empty and the nights were so cold without Marco. The pain, rage, and tears of desperation were there waiting for me every single day, especially at night when I had a date with solitude, and the questions I continually asked myself, Why Marco? Why not me?
If there were any possibility of exchanging my life with Marco’s, I would undoubtedly have done it, since he was an extraordinary man, full of love for humanity.
In the following months, I lost all awareness of my body and mind. I realized I had a body only on Sunday when my back it hurt because I spent all night dancing. If I hadn’t danced the night away at a club, I wouldn’t have been able to escape my torments. Also, If it wasn’t for the support of my dear friend Morena, who saved me from the abyss of desperation, I don’t know if I would have survived that icy flow of rage, and pain that was about to send me over the edge.
I have met people who, at the end of a relationship, chose to be alone for years or even for the rest of their life. I also do admire their internal balance and their spirit of adjustment. Even though Marco will always hold a special place in my heart, I never lost hope of falling in love again. A few years later, I met Andrea. I had hoped I could build the same sort of special relationship with him, like that I had with Marco. I was wrong. My need for love, and still my low.self-esteem clouded my judgment. After a few months of living together, I realized that sadness and low self-esteem were still part of myself. Even though a strong love nourished it, my relationship with Andrea was a disaster.
Unfortunately Andrea and me we had different goals. After Marco’s loss, I was searching for a lovely man, who could support me, while Andrea was searching for a submissive woman, like his mother, so our needs were not compatible. I eventually realized that to defeat sadness, I would have to eliminate all of the negative emotions, thoughts, and low self-esteem that I had been carrying around for ages. However, to get rid of all of this, I knew that I had to get over one last obstacle: the fear of solitude. Then, I contacted a highly competent naturopath I who helped me get in touch with my deepest self. The most important lesson I learned from Deborah, the naturopath, was about the importance of loving myself primarily, and have good self-esteem. Meanwhile, she also asked me some fundamental questions, the typical million-dollar questions:
- If you are in a relationship or a job that doesn’t make you happy, why don’t you leave?
- Why do you let Andrea treat you with such disrespect?
- Why do you still go to an office where you can’t express your creativity?
She was right. No one had ever presented the problem to me so clearly. I wanted to stop the sufferings and quit the job I didn’t like and a partner that constantly criticized me. Few months after the meetings with Deborah, by chance (though I am sure, there are no coincidences), I received an email from a cultural association promoting a course entitled: “Let’s Talk about Emotions,” held by a life coach. Even though Deborah’s teachings were helpful, I still wanted to discover the other secrets of the human psyche, especially mine. Through visualization and meditation exercises, the coach helped me to penetrate the depth of my soul and imagined everything I wanted. He also taught me some strategies to get more self-confident and raise my self-esteem.
During that period I experienced an incredible change. Everything I thought happened. They were not miracles or even magic. I concentrated on an objective and a desire, and after a few days, something would happen to lead me towards that goal. I felt like I was living a dream, and my relationships with my colleagues began to improve notably. I finally found the courage to leave Andrea. Making that hard but critical decision was the turning point for my transformation. After a long time, I began to find peace, like when I was with Marco. I became the most popular woman on the planet (so to speak) and met many fantastic people who brought joy into my life. The magic did not end here. Interestingly, during one of my walks, I tried to run for a few minutes but didn’t experience any pain in my spine.
My battle against my dark side made me understand the importance of emotions and self-esteem. The deeper I ventured into discovering even the least pleasant sides of me, the more I felt like the brave Luke Skywalker, in Star Wars’ movie: “The Empire Strikes Back.”
I had to fight strongly against my dark side and low self-esteem, given that the enemy was hiding within me, precisely in my subconscious. After winning this fight, I couldn’t resist the temptation to share what I discovered about the power of emotions.
THE QUANTUM LEAP
After becoming single again, a new world full of possibilities opened to me. I jumped into a new life, created a more positive lifestyle because I was able to change my pattern of thinking, let go of all the negative behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and improve my self-esteem. Eventually, I was able to ease my pain after Marco’s death and create this peace by myself without any help from anyone.
I decided to follow my passions by attending some coaching and natural therapy courses. I became a life coach and a holistic professional as well. I quit my job and I opened a small studio to help people with relationships and stress issues. A few months after my incredible transformation, one Halloween night, I met a man named Renzo. I couldn’t stop to look at his charming blue eyes. And today (2019) it’s 7 years that we are in a relationship. Perhaps you may think that I have been lucky. No, it’s not a question of luck. Life changes when you are ready to change and when you commit to making your dreams come true.
These experiences taught me a valuable lesson: everything you are, feel, and think, manifests outside of you. The people around you sense your emotions, thoughts, and energy, especially unconsciously. Every living being on this planet is similar to an antenna that repeatedly transmits and receives data.
A DREAM COMES TRUE
Since I had struggled with low self-esteem for many years, and I finally discovered how emotions are essential and how they could somatize on one’s body, I decided to tell my experience to the world.
For this reason, I wrote and also self-published a book called: “Stop killing your Back with the Secret Power of Emotions.” now available on Amazon. Furthermore, I decided to dedicate my time even to self-esteem, and later, I created this website, lifenowacademy.com and wrote another book: “Be the Hero of your life,” an Instruction Manual for Self-esteem, available on Amazon too.
The fantastic life adventure I’m now living in is just the beginning. Who knows how many more books and courses I will write in the future. As you can see, when you follow your passions and raise your self-esteem many opportunities open up to you. Commitment and perseverance are the two essential ingredients needed to realize your ideas. Nothing can stop you from achieving any goal, even the hardest life events and the most troubled relationship you may have experienced. Any situation has a lesson within. You can grab fundamental teachings, especially when you stay concentrated on yourself and open your heart to love.
I have also learned another fundamental lesson: never let other people influence you or tell you what you can or cannot do. Many people do not go behind appearances. They do not care about who you are, and they have no idea of your potential and self-esteem.
My story is only a little drop in the ocean of many others about people who had to overcome hard situations, even worse than mine. Therefore, you can overcome everything in life, no matter how hard is the situation that you have to face.
What are you waiting for? Time has come for you to wear Superman’s cape and be the Hero of your life.